The NBI-National Capital Region (NCR) office has released its findings on its investigation into the death of Trina A. Etong, better known as the wife of media personality Ted Failon (Teodoro Etong in real life) the results of which mirror what has been insisted all along by her family and friends: that a distraught Trina decided to take her own life in the confines of the bathroom of the bedroom of her daughter. The NBI came up with its findings after a thourough forensic, testimonial and psychiatric investigation into the circumstances surrounding Mrs. Etong's death who was found slumped in the bathroom with a gunshot wound to her head. She was barely breathing when found by her husabnd and some household help and soon succumbed to her injries a day later in the New Era Hospital to where she was immediately brought.
What followed was a veritable media circus and high drama with the Quezon City police district filing charges of obstruction of justice against Mr. Etong, his sister-in-law, Pamela Arteche and her siblings and some household help. Foul play was hinted at and Ted Failon came under scrutiny as a possible suspect.
With the release of the NBI report, it is hoped that the Etong family shall finally be left alone to heal. For them to start their road on understanding why a dearly beloved suddenly decided that life was better ended leaving heart ache and pain for those left behind for whom life still has to go on.
Monday, May 25, 2009
Monday, May 18, 2009
Twilight - My Take
As is my usual reading habit, I read the "Twilight" by Stephenie Meyer all through the night, stopping only when I had turned the last page, which was at about 4 a.m. the following day. The consequences were quite unhealthy. I woke up grumpy at 7 a.m. and got into an argument with my hubby who, (correctly, I admit) pointed out that my nocturnal reading lost me quality time with them (hubby and daughter) as I had to catch up on my sleep the whole afternoon. As if that was not quite a handful to deal with for a sleep-deprived person, I acquired a slight fever later in the day. All of which was reasons enough for me to make a resolution that no matter how engrossing a book might be, lights are out by midnight, or maybe 2 a.m.?
Going back to the vampire-meets-girl-vampire-and-girl-falls-in-love romance with a seemingly dark twist (what can you expect? its about blood sucking creatures for crying out loud), I found myself transported to my tween years when a "Sweet Dreams" novellete was a must-have in every girl's book arsenal (aside from the usual Archie comic books and Sweet Valley High tomes). Take away the fangs, supernatural powers and immortality and you will find the angsts exeprienced by Bella and Edward and most of the characters in "Twilight" strikingly similar to the less critically-acclaimed teen romance series. Fitting in, unrequited love (or admiration, better yet, crush as it was more colloqially termed in my time), ecstasy of realized mutuality in feelings, envy for the almost perfect girl or boy in campus and so many others all find its place in Ms. Meyer's book that's fast becoming a pop classic for this generation of teens and twentysomething (including my contempraries even). But before "Twilight" fans start throwing tomatoes at me, let me say that while this book reads in some parts like a sibling of my teen romance books of yore, it is so more and its thousand of fans that continues to grow in numbers shall fully agree. The prose is far superior and it is as engaging a book as can be with colorful characters and mythical creatures having lived more than a hundred years. As for the female protagonist, so many youngsters can empathize with her and (I suspect it is one of the reasons for the book's popularity) the story of the clumsy and can't-seem-to-fit-in-girl snagging the handsomest guy in school provides hope for some of the languishing wallflowers out there (although Bellas is no pushover in the looks department, having three other admirers apart from Edward, the main man). I particularly like the unique take on the demon-angel angle and treatment of the condemned immortals. Perfect and beautiful yet tragic in the sense that the thing that keeps them alive is what make them a most deplorable and feared creature.
Taken amidst this backdrop, the book, thus, manages, with flying colors, to rise above the usual clicheic teen romance and becomes the latest betseller's favorite with fave reviews to boot.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Did She or Didn't She?
Not since the day waiting for the b_ _ results was I this anxious and apprehensive hoping intensely for a favorable result. Okay, you win, yup, I am exaggerating, but I was on needles and pins two days ago watching my B_ _ take her entrance exams for nursery in a prep school in the city. I was afraid she would flunk it, although the chance of that happening was two in a thousand. Really, now, entrance exams for nursery?
Before you go up and say, "Gee, that mom doesn't have much confidence in her daughter", let me tell you why I was afraid.
Work has kinda doubled these past few weeks and while I believe in tutoring my kid, I felt nursery was no more than play school and kids should not be pressured academically at this stage in their education. Besides, a colleague once confided to me, for as long as they are ready to sit on the potty, they are ready for prep. In other words, I had no time to prepare B_ _ for her entrance exams and was not that inclined to do so vis - a -vis my beliefs about nursery school. But while I sat comfortably ensconced in this thinking, a friend told me that the school actually flunks kids and deny them admission. God forbid, B_ _ was not gonna suffer the indignity of being denied admission, not while I can help it. So, a day before the exams (work would not make me do it any earlier) me and my daughter crammed lessons in colors, shapes, counting and the basic question and answer (e.g. What is your name?, How old are you?).
Come exam day, B_ _ was so excited, she was going to school, so I told her. She behaved so beautifully, no crying and doing everything the teacher-examiner asked her to do. She kinda stumbled on the colors and shapes part, mistaking blue for violet, and calling the oblong bunay(egg), but over-all, I felt she was gonna ace it.
And she did. A month from now, my B_ _ is going to school and Mama couldn't have been more prouder.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Partners and Marriage
"Partners and Marriage"
by Eduardo Jose E. Calasanz
I have never met a man who didn’t want to be loved. But I have seldom met a man who didn’t fear marriage. Something about the closure seems constricting, not enabling. Marriage seems easier to understand for what it cuts out of our lives than for what it makes possible within our lives.
When I was younger this fear immobilized me. I did not want to make a mistake. I saw my friends get married for reasons of social acceptability, or sexual fever, or just because they thought it was the logical thing to do. Then I watched, as they and their partners became embittered and petty in their dealings with each other. I looked at older couples and saw, at best, mutual toleration of each other. I imagined a lifetime of loveless nights and bickering and could not imagine subjecting myself or someone else to such a fate.
And yet, on rare occasions, I would see old couples who somehow seemed to glow in each other’s presence. They seemed really in love, not just dependent upon each other and tolerant of each other’s foibles. It was an astounding sight, and it seemed impossible. How, I asked myself, can they have survived so many years of sameness, so much irritation at the other’s habits ? What keeps love alive in them, when most of us seem unable to even stay together, much less love each other ?
The central secret seems to be in choosing well. There is something to the claim of fundamental compatibility. Good people can create a bad relationship, even though they both dearly want the relationship to succeed. It is important to find someone with whom you can create a good relationship from the outset. Unfortunately, it is hard to see clearly in the early stages.
Sexual hunger draws you to each other and colors the way you see yourselves together. It blinds you to the thousands of little ! Things by which relationships eventually survive or fail. You need to find a way to see beyond this initial overwhelming sexual fascination. Some people choose to involve themselves sexually and ride out the most heated period of sexual attraction in order to see what is on the other side.
This can work, but it can also leave a trail of wounded hearts. Others deny the sexual side altogether in an attempt to get to know each other apart from their sexuality. But they cannot see clearly, because the presence of unfulfilled sexual desire looms so large that it keeps them from having any normal perception of what life would be like together.
The truly lucky people are the ones who manage to become long-time friends before they realize they are attracted to each other. They get to know each other’s laughs, passions, sadness, and fears. They see each other at their worst and at their best. They share time together before they get swept into the entangling intimacy of their sexuality.
This is the ideal, but not often possible. If you fall under the spell of your sexual attraction immediately, you need to look beyond it for other keys to compatibility. One of these is laughter. Laughter tells you how much you will enjoy each other’s company over the long term.
If your laughter together is good and healthy, and not at the expense of others, then you have a healthy relationship to the world. Laughter is the child of surprise. If you can make each other laugh, you canalways surprise each other. And if you can always surprise each other, you can always keep the world around you new.
Beware of a relationship in which there is no laughter. Even the most intimate relationships based only on seriousness have a tendency to turn sour. Over time, sharing a common serious viewpoint on the world tends to turn you against those who do not share the same viewpoint, and your relationship can become based on being critical together.
After laughter, look for a partner who deals with the world in a way you respect. When two people first get together, they tend to see their relationship as existing only in the space between the two of them. They find each other endlessly fascinating, and the overwhelming power of the emotions they are sharing obscures theoutside world. As the relationship ages and grows, the outside world becomes important again. If your partner treats people or circumstances in a way you can’t accept, you will inevitably come to grief. Look at the way she cares for others and deals with the daily affairs of life. If that makes you love her more, your love will grow. If it does not, be careful. If you do not respect the way you each deal with the world around you, eventually the two of you will not respect each other.
Look also at how your partner confronts the mysteries of life. We live on the cups of poetry and practicality, and the real life of the heart resides in the poetic. If one of you is deeply affected by the mystery of the unseen in life and relationships, while the other is drawn only to the literal and the practical, you must take care that the distance doesn’t become an unbridgeable gap that leaves you each feeling isolated and misunderstood. There are many other keys, but you must find them by yourself. We all have unchangeable parts of our hearts that we will not betray and private commitments to a vision of life that we will not deny. If you fall in love with someone who cannot nourish those inviolable parts of you, or if you cannot nourish them in her, you will find yourselves growing further apart until you live in separate worlds where you share the business of life, but never touch each other where the heart lives and dreams. From there it is only a small leap to the cataloging of petty hurts and daily failures that leaves so many couples bitter and unsatisfied with their mates.
So choose carefully and well. If you do, you will have chosen a partner with whom you can grow, and then the real miracle of marriage can take place in your hearts. I pick my words carefully when I speak of a miracle. But I think it is not too strong word. There is a miracle in marriage. It is called transformation. Transformation is one of the most common events of nature. The seed becomes the flower. The cocoon becomes the butterfly. Winter becomes spring and love becomes a child. We never question these, because we see them around us every day. To us they are not miracles, though if we did not know them they would be impossible to believe.
Marriage is a transformation we choose to make. Our love is planted like a seed, and in time it begins to flower. We cannot know the flower that will blossom, but we can be sure that a bloom will come. If you have chosen carefully and wisely, the bloom will be good. If you have chosen poorly or for the wrong reason, the bloom will be flawed. We are quite willing to accept the reality of negative transformation in a marriage. It was negative transformation that always had me terrified of the bitter marriages that I feared when I was younger. It never occurred to me to question the dark miracle that transformed love into harshness and bitterness. Yet I was unable to accept the possibility that the first heat of love could be transformed into something positive that was actually deeper and more meaningful than the heat of fresh passion. All I could believe in was the power of this passion and the fear that when it cooled I would be left with something lesser and bitter.
But there is positive transformation as well. Like negative transformation, it results from a slow accretion of little things. But instead of death by a thousand blows, it is growth by a thousand touches of love. Two histories intermingle. Two separate beings, two separate presence, two separate consciousnesses come together and share a view of life that passes before them. They remain separate, but they also become one. There is an expansion of awareness, not a closure and a constriction, as I had once feared. This is not to saythat there is not tension and there are not traps. Tension and traps are part of every choice of life, from celibate to monogamous to having multiple lovers. Each choice contains within it the lingering doubt that the road not taken somehow more fruitful and exciting, and each becomes dulled to the richness that it alone contains.
But only marriage allows life to deepen and expand and be leavened by the knowledge that two have chosen, against all odds, to become one. Those who live together without marriage can know the pleasure of shared company, but there is a specific gravity in the marriage commitment that deepens that experience into something richer and more complex.
So do not fear marriage, just as you should not rush into it for the wrong reasons. It is an act of faith and it contains within it the power of transformation. If you believe in your heart that you have found someone with whom you are able to grow, if you have sufficient faith that you can resist the endless attraction of the road not taken and the partner not chosen, if you have the strength of heart to embrace the cycles and seasons that your love will experience, then you may be ready to seek the miracle that marriage offers. If not, then wait. The easy grace of a marriage well made is worth your patience. When the time comes, a thousand flowers will bloom… endlessly.
(a score of marriage counselors couldn't have said it better, don't you agree? -waray in the city)
by Eduardo Jose E. Calasanz
I have never met a man who didn’t want to be loved. But I have seldom met a man who didn’t fear marriage. Something about the closure seems constricting, not enabling. Marriage seems easier to understand for what it cuts out of our lives than for what it makes possible within our lives.
When I was younger this fear immobilized me. I did not want to make a mistake. I saw my friends get married for reasons of social acceptability, or sexual fever, or just because they thought it was the logical thing to do. Then I watched, as they and their partners became embittered and petty in their dealings with each other. I looked at older couples and saw, at best, mutual toleration of each other. I imagined a lifetime of loveless nights and bickering and could not imagine subjecting myself or someone else to such a fate.
And yet, on rare occasions, I would see old couples who somehow seemed to glow in each other’s presence. They seemed really in love, not just dependent upon each other and tolerant of each other’s foibles. It was an astounding sight, and it seemed impossible. How, I asked myself, can they have survived so many years of sameness, so much irritation at the other’s habits ? What keeps love alive in them, when most of us seem unable to even stay together, much less love each other ?
The central secret seems to be in choosing well. There is something to the claim of fundamental compatibility. Good people can create a bad relationship, even though they both dearly want the relationship to succeed. It is important to find someone with whom you can create a good relationship from the outset. Unfortunately, it is hard to see clearly in the early stages.
Sexual hunger draws you to each other and colors the way you see yourselves together. It blinds you to the thousands of little ! Things by which relationships eventually survive or fail. You need to find a way to see beyond this initial overwhelming sexual fascination. Some people choose to involve themselves sexually and ride out the most heated period of sexual attraction in order to see what is on the other side.
This can work, but it can also leave a trail of wounded hearts. Others deny the sexual side altogether in an attempt to get to know each other apart from their sexuality. But they cannot see clearly, because the presence of unfulfilled sexual desire looms so large that it keeps them from having any normal perception of what life would be like together.
The truly lucky people are the ones who manage to become long-time friends before they realize they are attracted to each other. They get to know each other’s laughs, passions, sadness, and fears. They see each other at their worst and at their best. They share time together before they get swept into the entangling intimacy of their sexuality.
This is the ideal, but not often possible. If you fall under the spell of your sexual attraction immediately, you need to look beyond it for other keys to compatibility. One of these is laughter. Laughter tells you how much you will enjoy each other’s company over the long term.
If your laughter together is good and healthy, and not at the expense of others, then you have a healthy relationship to the world. Laughter is the child of surprise. If you can make each other laugh, you canalways surprise each other. And if you can always surprise each other, you can always keep the world around you new.
Beware of a relationship in which there is no laughter. Even the most intimate relationships based only on seriousness have a tendency to turn sour. Over time, sharing a common serious viewpoint on the world tends to turn you against those who do not share the same viewpoint, and your relationship can become based on being critical together.
After laughter, look for a partner who deals with the world in a way you respect. When two people first get together, they tend to see their relationship as existing only in the space between the two of them. They find each other endlessly fascinating, and the overwhelming power of the emotions they are sharing obscures theoutside world. As the relationship ages and grows, the outside world becomes important again. If your partner treats people or circumstances in a way you can’t accept, you will inevitably come to grief. Look at the way she cares for others and deals with the daily affairs of life. If that makes you love her more, your love will grow. If it does not, be careful. If you do not respect the way you each deal with the world around you, eventually the two of you will not respect each other.
Look also at how your partner confronts the mysteries of life. We live on the cups of poetry and practicality, and the real life of the heart resides in the poetic. If one of you is deeply affected by the mystery of the unseen in life and relationships, while the other is drawn only to the literal and the practical, you must take care that the distance doesn’t become an unbridgeable gap that leaves you each feeling isolated and misunderstood. There are many other keys, but you must find them by yourself. We all have unchangeable parts of our hearts that we will not betray and private commitments to a vision of life that we will not deny. If you fall in love with someone who cannot nourish those inviolable parts of you, or if you cannot nourish them in her, you will find yourselves growing further apart until you live in separate worlds where you share the business of life, but never touch each other where the heart lives and dreams. From there it is only a small leap to the cataloging of petty hurts and daily failures that leaves so many couples bitter and unsatisfied with their mates.
So choose carefully and well. If you do, you will have chosen a partner with whom you can grow, and then the real miracle of marriage can take place in your hearts. I pick my words carefully when I speak of a miracle. But I think it is not too strong word. There is a miracle in marriage. It is called transformation. Transformation is one of the most common events of nature. The seed becomes the flower. The cocoon becomes the butterfly. Winter becomes spring and love becomes a child. We never question these, because we see them around us every day. To us they are not miracles, though if we did not know them they would be impossible to believe.
Marriage is a transformation we choose to make. Our love is planted like a seed, and in time it begins to flower. We cannot know the flower that will blossom, but we can be sure that a bloom will come. If you have chosen carefully and wisely, the bloom will be good. If you have chosen poorly or for the wrong reason, the bloom will be flawed. We are quite willing to accept the reality of negative transformation in a marriage. It was negative transformation that always had me terrified of the bitter marriages that I feared when I was younger. It never occurred to me to question the dark miracle that transformed love into harshness and bitterness. Yet I was unable to accept the possibility that the first heat of love could be transformed into something positive that was actually deeper and more meaningful than the heat of fresh passion. All I could believe in was the power of this passion and the fear that when it cooled I would be left with something lesser and bitter.
But there is positive transformation as well. Like negative transformation, it results from a slow accretion of little things. But instead of death by a thousand blows, it is growth by a thousand touches of love. Two histories intermingle. Two separate beings, two separate presence, two separate consciousnesses come together and share a view of life that passes before them. They remain separate, but they also become one. There is an expansion of awareness, not a closure and a constriction, as I had once feared. This is not to saythat there is not tension and there are not traps. Tension and traps are part of every choice of life, from celibate to monogamous to having multiple lovers. Each choice contains within it the lingering doubt that the road not taken somehow more fruitful and exciting, and each becomes dulled to the richness that it alone contains.
But only marriage allows life to deepen and expand and be leavened by the knowledge that two have chosen, against all odds, to become one. Those who live together without marriage can know the pleasure of shared company, but there is a specific gravity in the marriage commitment that deepens that experience into something richer and more complex.
So do not fear marriage, just as you should not rush into it for the wrong reasons. It is an act of faith and it contains within it the power of transformation. If you believe in your heart that you have found someone with whom you are able to grow, if you have sufficient faith that you can resist the endless attraction of the road not taken and the partner not chosen, if you have the strength of heart to embrace the cycles and seasons that your love will experience, then you may be ready to seek the miracle that marriage offers. If not, then wait. The easy grace of a marriage well made is worth your patience. When the time comes, a thousand flowers will bloom… endlessly.
(a score of marriage counselors couldn't have said it better, don't you agree? -waray in the city)
Monday, May 4, 2009
Carigara's New Town Kitchenette,Home of the Tasty Humba
Its unassuming signage that has remained unchanged
The entrance
Today I went to Carigara, Leyte to take care of the papers of a client and had the chance to return to a place filled with my fondest memories as a child. While certain smells can bring a sharp tinge of nostalgia, nothing can bring back times past stronger and faster then the place itself.
My father hailed from this town and spent most his life there before going on to Manila to take up college and eventually law. When he married, settled down with Mama in Tacloban City and my sisters and I came one after the other, he sent us all to Carigara to spend our summers there. Days would be filled swimming in the bay that fronted Lola's house followed by rides up and down the poblacion in the "pot-pot" (also known as the pedicab which is a bicycle attached to a side car).
A constant in our itinerary then was the New Town Kitchenette down in Brgy. San Mateo, the place where we always bought our supply of the tasty pastillas. Apart from the carabao's milk candies, it offers a very delicious humba (click here for recipe) that has become the favorite of travelers who ply the Southern route of Leyte. It is owned and run by the Cañamaque sisters who got so busy in their "kitchenette" that marriage plans seems to have been forgotten. They have remained "single and unattached" devoting their time and energies to making the delicious dishes that their homey and rustic restaurant has became famous for. Their place is one of the reasons why Carigara has remained to this day the halfway point for lunch and breakfast of weary travelers
On this particular trip, my father and I had again this nemesis of a dish of all hypertensives (it swims in a plate of fats) and the taste has remained. It was just as I remembered it of summers past and just as tangy and with a "melt in your mouth" consistency. Of course, Papa had to double his dosage of Adalat just to make sure his indulgence would not cost him a day in the hospital (knock on wood).